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  • I am so grossed out right now.

    So there’s this bush out front of my house, right, and it’s always covered in flies and spiderwebs. Like, I really think there’s something WRONG with it – maybe there’s a carcass rotting underneath the branches, or maybe there’s a nest of some kind of nastiness buried underneath its roots. There’s a lot of snails…

  • Happily Ever After

    So we all fall in love. We fall in love with people, with animals, with objects, with dreams. We fall in love with ideas, our ideas about things. Riddle me this: if I fell in love with a person I barely knew, what would I be loving? A romantic would call it “love at first…

  • FML. Really. No, REALLY really.

    Imagine we’re on Facebook here. Erinire A… Just found out she has a health insurance deductible of $4,000. Good thing she’s not at all dependent on weekly therapy and expensive medication to keep her alive! … Oh, wait. Well, at least she’s incredibly wealthy, right? … She’s not? Shit, OK, well… At least she hasn’t…

  • Just another day in paradise.

    It started out, as always, with my clothes. The “I don’t have ANYTHING to WEAR!” conundrum. I nipped this problem in the bud some time ago by bulk-purchasing simple black shirts from Target and wearing them like a uniform day in and day out, but now, with my more ample figure, the Uniform is a…

  • American Airlines: please sink into the ocean and die.

    The problem with being an insomniac, even an insomniac with a cache of tranquilizers, is that there are no half measures. There’s no “turning in early”, there’s no” quick five hours of shuteye”, there’s only unconscious or no. And when you have a 4:30 wakeup call, the answer is usually no. So it was no…

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