Bearing up

It goes without saying that things have been happening. Despite what one might wish, things are always happening. We are powerless to stop it. Some normal things happen, that much is for sure, and some wonderful things, but some things you wish you could pretend AREN’T happening also happen.

It’s on again, this war in my brain, and it’s on full-force. If back in May I hinted at a storm to come, I had no idea it would be a monsoon of such magnitude, or one that’s proven to be so mercilessly unrelenting. I mean, I would have come with snacks. And honestly? We’re out of Chianti. ALREADY.

I’ve equated depression to many things, but what comes to mind most recently is some kind of morbid onion shedding its papery skin. With each layer, you think, oh yes, here’s the bad part. Now, I remember. I remember that vague hopelessness when faced with life’s bounty or crosses, and the distinct inability to sort one from the other. Or no – *I* remember this –  come on – let’s just get out of bed. On the count of three. Just this one more time – and staying in bed for another two days.

With each layer lost another emerges, more bleak than the last, and you never get any closer to the damn meat of the onion. And I don’t even like onions in the first place, so WHY?

Oh, who brought the Sun Chips? Good call, dude. Looks like we’re in for a long one.

One response to “Bearing up”

  1. Hi Erin,

    So sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time, if you ever need to call and talk – call me 978-386-0155 (home) or 508-574-0603 (cell).If you need to get away – we have a spare room, nice rural surroundings (although you being a city girl that might not be enticing).

    I also wanted to share with you that there is a group called NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness), It depends on the group but the one that I belong to meets weekly and it has also helped me tremendously. They have a webpage that gives you a listing of where the meetings are bein held. I also wanted to share with you (and forgive me if I have told you this before) my psychiatrist has me doing ECT (shock therapy), it honestly saved my life. I know that McLean does it, I happen to have it done in Leominster and my psychiatrist administers the treatment. The only side effect is memory, you lose it for awhile (me being old how can they tell difference? 🙂

    Please keep me posted on how you are doing or if you need something.

    xoxo, Caryl


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