It’s tough, because I know when things are right and I know when things are wrong. I can feel when things start *thinking* about heading wrong. I can taste it in the wind. I know it before it’s there, like how you can feel a thunderstorm. But I’m helpless.

I didn’t associate it with the Abilify withdrawal, not immediately, and I still don’t know if I do, but there’s an undercurrent of terror that runs through every breath. This faceless, nameless, panic that has no root and has no salve. I remember this, I remember from before, and I’m troubled that it hasn’t gone away. Even after all the changes.

But am getting by it, getting through it, carrying on. You know.

All is well until it isn’t, and, after that, it is again.