Bad Ideas 401

401? Woah, that’s a high-level course. In case you didn’t take the prerequisites, let me bring everyone up to speed.

Bad Ideas 101: Adopt a Street Cat

Lesson plan:

  • initial skepticism –
  • a skeptic, undone
  • leading to cute tricks –
  • SPLAYED
  • resulting in total acceptance –
  • see that? that's the look of me being replaced.

Bad Ideas 201: Capitulate to Husband’s “no neutering” Mandate

Lesson Plan:

Bad Ideas 301: The Antique Loveseat Comes Home to Roost

Lesson Plan:

  • Sociological study of lingering childhood paranoia that you’re everyone’s least favorite grandchild / cousin / daughter
  • Sudden reversal of fortune!!! (role playing: “holy shit, grandma wants ME to take the loveseat?” Bonus points for inclusion of interpretive dance.)
  • Art project, subject being: gorgeous furniture item you’ve adored pretty much since birth
  • Loveseat with backlight
  • Essay: Compare and contrast “depositing loveseat in mom’s basement for an unspecified number of years, allowing time to clear your home of feline predators” versus “i want it NOW i want it NOW i want it NOW”.

OK, then, so I think we’re pretty much all caught up! Welcome to Bad Ideas 401: From Now On I’m Sleeping on the Futon in the Living Room, Behind Double-Stacked Toddler Gates, or: “last night Jake pissed on the loveseat – extreme measures will be taken”. While coeds on campus have quaintly dubbed the course “I’LL FEED THE LITTLE FUCKER BLEACH, I SWEAR TO CHRIST”, a colleague, perhaps more appropriately, suggested the subheading of “free advice: don’t be a goddamn dumbass”.

Syllabus forthcoming.

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