401? Woah, that’s a high-level course. In case you didn’t take the prerequisites, let me bring everyone up to speed.
Bad Ideas 101: Adopt a Street Cat
Bad Ideas 201: Capitulate to Husband’s “no neutering” Mandate
- 60 days observation of subject’s complete disregard for all things litterbox-related
- Debate practice on the subject of modern feline castration (related reading: “I don’t give a fuck less about his male needs, snip those balls or I’m moving out tomorrow”)
- Thesis paper: “attempting to have a peaceful marriage is more important than owning things not covered in cat piss”
Bad Ideas 301: The Antique Loveseat Comes Home to Roost
- Sociological study of lingering childhood paranoia that you’re everyone’s least favorite grandchild / cousin / daughter
- Sudden reversal of fortune!!! (role playing: “holy shit, grandma wants ME to take the loveseat?” Bonus points for inclusion of interpretive dance.)
- Art project, subject being: gorgeous furniture item you’ve adored pretty much since birth
- Essay: Compare and contrast “depositing loveseat in mom’s basement for an unspecified number of years, allowing time to clear your home of feline predators” versus “i want it NOW i want it NOW i want it NOW”.
OK, then, so I think we’re pretty much all caught up! Welcome to Bad Ideas 401: From Now On I’m Sleeping on the Futon in the Living Room, Behind Double-Stacked Toddler Gates, or: “last night Jake pissed on the loveseat – extreme measures will be taken”. While coeds on campus have quaintly dubbed the course “I’LL FEED THE LITTLE FUCKER BLEACH, I SWEAR TO CHRIST”, a colleague, perhaps more appropriately, suggested the subheading of “free advice: don’t be a goddamn dumbass”.