I am exhausted, my apartment is trashed, the cat is pissed off at me, I can’t find half my clothes, and my kitchen smells like old guacamole.

What could all this possibly mean?

I think it means that my birthday was fucking FANTASTIC, i got an IPHONE, and the party was AMAZING. Unfortunately, I was too busy burning zucchini patties and popping bottle after bottle of champagne to snap any pictures, so you’ll have to just take my word for it.

Although I feel like you’ll probably be able to sense my iphone awesomeness from afar. It’s that intense.