OK, I was really thinking about this. About why, exactly, it’s so much more meaningful to go into a whole foods sober and drink yourself shitless while inside than it is to simply drink a 40 and then go shopping for overpriced produce.

And what I came up with was this:

It’s kind of like acid in an art museum.

Now, I’ve never taken acid in an art museum, but if I were to do so, I’d never drop and THEN go in. Rather, I would consume my substances while inside the museum, so the whole experience becomes more organic. As you’re walking the galleries, things slip from “normal” to “odd” to “holyfuckingshit the WALLS are MOVING”, but you don’t really notice the change since it’s all happening in the same venue. Brilliant, huh? I mean, can you imagine starting right off with a psychedlic Picasso? And never mind the waiting in line for admission. that would be horrible.

As I said, I’ve never done acid in an art museum, but I have gone into Whole Foods drunk. Perhaps many times. And there is little in this world more frightening than the cold hard reality of diving into the fray with all those yuppie-crunchy types – ESPECIALLY after five or six vodka sodas.