I did a lot of things today. I set up a bank account for ECA Productions, I entered my 2010 expenses into Quicken, I digitized four hours of tape, I went to see my shrink. I washed my hair and blow-dried, I remembered to brush my teeth, and I tried (and failed) to find the mystery button on my boss’ furnace. I expanded my knowledge of 3D filmmaking, I backed up all my wedding projects, I went out to eat for dinner and I fed my cat. Twice. My apartment is relatively clean, my finances are in their usual state of (dis)order – no worse or better than usual. Everything is mostly good.
So what is it about this situation that makes me want to leap out of my skin?
I always feel like there are so many things left UN-done. I still have to find a dentist, and, for that matter, an accountant. I’m running out of socks. That bag of cat supplies is still sitting right where it was three weeks ago, and, no matter how many times I sweep, there is ALWAYS Jakefood in the corner next to the oven. It’s not like a treadmill, it’s more a sensation of free-fall. Like no matter how fast you spin, it’s all getting away from you. Eventually, the bathroom sink will get gross again, you know, and there’s just no stopping it.
This all must sound very fatalist and horrible, and I don’t mean it that way, but it’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. Resources, inertia, motivation. I think I’ve effectively lost the ability to relax.
But at least the apartment is clean.
… kind of.