I’m happy to report that things are on a upswing, or seem to be, based on my thought patterns over the last day or so. No more death spiral, no more visceral self-loathing, and I even had this feeling yesterday that life was… nice. I spent New Year’s in the company of good friends, spent the next day cooking, baking, and playing Beatles Rock Band start to finish, and I’m taking today to pick up and relax a bit. Or try to. It doesn’t come naturally for me.
The worst thing about my particular brand of mental illness is that these spells just seem to descend out of nowhere, and all of a sudden I’m right back to the week before the Bin, wondering if I have the strength to make it through another moment of such agony. There’s no early warning signs, no blinking yellow light, just zero to pitch-black Crazy in as much time as it takes to fry an egg. I don’t get it, but that’s how it is. And it makes me wonder – is Normal a reprieve from Depressed, or is Depressed a detour on the road to Normal?
I’m just glad to be back in the fresh air, for however long it lasts.