My day started off early – like 6am early – which is truly a very early hour for me to be starting off at. I said goodbye to my darling sister, hooked up her new BluRay player, and headed out the door. I was a little groggy, not having had very much coffee, and also a little nauseous for reasons I still can’t ascertain. Luckily, there was a shuttle available to take me from her apartment complex to the Metro, saving me a one-mile walk with my rolly bag, but, even with this small luxury at my disposal, things quickly started to flag southward.

Things about the shuttle that annoyed me:
– it was freezing. FUCKING freezing. Like, I don’t know how the driver was getting by without a parka
– everybody was wearing massive amounts of perfume, which didn’t help my nausea one bit
– nobody wanted to let me get OFF the shuttle, because I had my rolly bag and I would have taken an extra five seconds to arrange myself and move on.

But I soldiered through and onto the Metro, where I was packed like a sad little sardine between a woman reading the Wall Street Journal out loud to her husband and a very unimpressed girl scout.

Things about the Metro that annoyed me:
– the color. Orange? Anyone? Who decided this?
– the smell.
– the heat.
– every single person on the goddamn train, especially the ones who touched me and/or gave me and my rolly bag dirty looks. I’m being as small as I can, you know? It’s not MY fault I’m going to the airport!

Finally, two train lines and one particularly pungent elevator later, I arrived at Union Station, where I was to take the MARC train to BWI.

Things about Union Station that annoyed me:
– total lack of signage re: the MARC system.
– shitty internet (FREE Wifi, Amtrak? I think NOT.)
– the line at Starbucks, which was a mile long,
– and the people that thought it was actually WORTHWHILE to wait in a line a mile long for Starbucks.
– the guy behind me who wouldn’t stop sucking his teeth.

The ride to BWI was easy enough – I got my own seat and did some editing – but then I had to take a shuttle bus from the train station to the airport.

Things about the shuttle ride that annoyed me:
– the fact that no shuttle arrived for a good ten minutes
– the well-meaning woman from the midwest who kept on pressing her denim-clad thigh into mine
– the well-meaning man from the midwest who didn’t hold on and crumpled like a house of cards when the shuttle finally stopped
– the girl with the spoon bag who kept on STARING at me
– the driver, whom I couldn’t understand. Air Tran? American? They’re two different words, MAKE THEM SOUND THAT WAY

It’s no surprise, then, that as soon as I got through security (also annoying, but that goes without saying) I found myself a seat barside and dove headfirst into a Corona. By this time it was noon, and therefore somewhat acceptable. Corona makes everything better.