First of all, Internet, thank you for the insights. I really expected a lot more of the “duh, quit drinking or you’re lying to yourself” type responses, and, to be honest, I thought at least ONE person would say there was no problem. You’ve given me something to think about, Internet. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and honesty.

Now, if you could indulge me in a rant…

Depersonalization of reader / commenters aside, I can’t really find a cute or funny way to couch my frustration with the medical system right now. I started looking for a psychiatrist back in May, before the meltdown, and had no luck. I thought (read: hoped) that once IN the hospital, I would be set up with treaters. And I was, at least for the month I was a patient. Now, I’m out. I have a shrink, but she doesn’t prescribe. She’s not affiliated with a hospital program. And, apparently, she doesn’t have any particular doctors that she works with for meds.

People, I am ON meds already. I am running OUT of meds. I’m also running OUT of patience trying to find someone to take care of my psychopharmological needs. I’ve called MGH proper, MGH North End, MGH Charlestown, MGH Suffolk, St. Elizabeth’s and McLean’s outpatient unit. I’ve called people from BCBS’ master list that seemed unaffiliated with a hospital, to no avail. Nobody, it seems, can help me. You have to have your PCP at the facility, you have to have your therapist at the facility, you have to live in Charlestown, you have to have Mass Health, you have to be OCD, and oh, by the way, there’s a two to three month wait.

Last month, with the help of my therapist, I begged my PCP at the clinic to write me refills on everything, but I’m not totally sure he’ll do it again, and I will run out again in two weeks. I think it’s a travesty that a sick person has this kind of trouble finding care in a system where we all pay out of pocket for coverage… I feel like I might as well be that Canadian woman with the brain tumor on the propaganda commercial.

God, fuck. /rant. I’m taking an ativan.