2008, you are the worst.

i can’t sleep, so let me relay this anecdote:

I often have dreams about friends I haven’t seen for some time. The dreams are usually very vivid and bizarre and result in my emailing whichever old friend to be like “HOLY SHIT DUDE you will never guess…” I generally find it a fun, if intrinsically creepy, way to reconnect.

A few nights ago I had this dream where an old boyfriend and I were exchanging Valentines’ Day gifts. We’re in this treehouse, and he hands me this basket with a few presents wrapped up in pink tissue, and I’m all like, oh gosh, how sweet. So I open two of the gifts and they turn out to be these kind of beat-up striped candles from the Dollar Store that smell like old roses and ass. How do I know they’re from the dollar store? BECAUSE THEY HAVE “DOLLAR STORE” CARVED INTO THE WAX. And in my dream, I just start cracking up, right, because who gives their girlfriend candles from the dollar store, trying to pass them off as a true token of their love?

So the next morning I wake up and am all, oh hey, I should email this guy and tell him about this HILARIOUS DREAM. But seriously, how do you message someone you haven’t spoken to for over a year and open with “hey, I had this dream where you gave me a pair of crufty dollar store candles – then I laughed in your face”?

Not to be oblique, but I’ll probably be MIA over the next week, gathering support for my thesis that 2008 is the worst year ever, what with it being only 14 days old and already 98% bullshit. I’ve had abscessed cavities more fun than this year so far, even without the pain meds.

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