open letters: everybody’s doing it

Dear Katsumi,
although it was very nice of you to go out and get me cold medicine and ice cream last night, finding the gas light on in my car this morning was markedly less so.

Better luck next time,

Dear Espresso Royale,
I know you’re a chain. and an indie. An indie-chain. However, even an indie-chain should be able to get its credit card machine up and running after TWO FULL DAYS of down time. I couldn’t get my espresso, and you almost made me cry.

and ps, to the douchebag coffee-making-guy and his aging-hipster cohort, the whole “Pearl Jam Was the Last Great Rock Band” conversation is so 2001. And by that I do not mean that Tool is the Last Great Rock Band, so go ahead and stop that before it starts.

Try harder. You can do it.

Dear Universe,
It should be obvious from my pallid countenance that I’m in the throes of Plague 2006. Please refrain from giving me any more tasks, phone calls, or human interaction, since clearly I’m only capable of moaning, praying for death, and occasionally spitting phlegm into my trash can.

Thanks in advance,

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