Sometimes it’s hard to get satisfaction in life. Your job is boring or your job is too stressful, you’re getting married or you’re freaking out about being single, you can’t do math or you can’t write an essay – and worse than that, there’s laundry EVERYWHERE. As I was falling asleep last night, I pondered the nature of satisfaction.

It might suprise you to learn that I’m not the easiest person to please. I know – i KNOW – it’s unbelievable. But there are some things which, no matter what, carry an inordinate weight of accomplishment that make me feel like I’m getting shit done (read: satisfied).

– finishing a bottle of water
– finishing the dishes
– paying my credit card bill
– making my car payment (somehow, car insurance and cell phone don’t cut the mustard)
– returning a Netflix
– bottle redemption
– buying whole-bean coffee
– mailing things

Also, I know there’s a lot of people out there feeling restless about Halloween, so I’d like to direct anyone with a significant other to this page of couples costume ideas via the Nest (the older, fatter, kid-heavy sister of the Knot). Being lazy like me, you probably won’t click on the link, but please note:

Bird Flu
For him: Dress in doctors’ scrubs and wear a stethoscope around your neck. Stick feathers randomly onto you with fabric glue.
For her: Dress in all black, and cover yourself in feathers. We suggest grouping a small bouquet of feathers together with a rubber band and pinning them to your tail and ponytail holder. Then glue feathers onto your sleeves and shirt collar (we’re hoping this is an old shirt), and wear a rubber bird beak.

(((TASTEFUL!!!)))