Last week, on my way back from my lunch-hour Shaw’s run, I was accosted by an attractive, fit young woman who looked like she had something to say. Normally I try to avoid these situations by looking away, picking up my cell phone, or replying vigorously to the voices in my head, but that afternoon I was feeling particularly magnanimous. So when the fit young woman asked me if I’d be interested in some information about promotions at Boston Sports Club, I suprised myself by answering yes.

To be honest, it wasn’t completely out of left field. Over the past year or so I’ve shed a few pounds, and if I could just manage to do some sit-ups every now and then I’d probably be more beach-ready than I was at 18. Moreover, there’s that whole “wedding” thing, and it might not be a bad idea to tone up for the big day. But you know what? I’m not a person who DOES sit-ups, and I’m definitely not a person who uses phrases like “tone up for the big day”, so I don’t know where all this is coming from. Be that as it may, the fit girl said “gym” and I latched on like a rabid puppy.

So apparently I have an appointment at 2 this afternoon to “check out their facilities” and “meet their personal trainers” and am having a relapse of gym-fear. Like, I’ll go in there and everyone will KNOW, just by looking at me, that I can’t run for more than ten minutes without falling under the treadmill. Stairmaster? forget that. The only stairs I can master are the ones on the stoop of my apartment building. (like that? I just came up with it this second.) (fuck you, ok, it’s Monday.)

What am I doing? I hate the gym, but I wouldn’t mind having the option of going, and sometimes I do get the odd urge to hop on an elliptical machine, plus I remember how much I liked the sauna… but the gym is full of gym-people, and I hate gym-people and I’m not one of them. I don’t even want to go to this appointment, anyway, because I know she’s going to do some kind of soft-sell on me, and we just got back from a weekend away and I am B-R-O-K-E.

god. maybe I’ll just buy an abs of steel VHS or something.

But I really did like that sauna…