instead of writing anything, I searched around for new templates for a few hours and did some customizing. I have to say that I’m not really sold on this one, but we’ll let it hang for a few days and consider.
In other news, today at lunchtime I walked out the door of my building and almost stepped on an inert human body. Given our proximity to the park and the baseball stadium, it’s not that unusual to happen upon the occasional sleeping drunk, but this was new. Most of our drunks are old and homeless-looking, all curled up on a ledge somewhere, but this guy was no more than 22, healthy, and literally sprawled out all over the front stoop.
I didn’t really know what to do. Despite my proclivity for the sauce, drunk people scare me a little bit, and I wasn’t into being on the receiving end of some sort of blacked-out trauma. I sort of bent down and nudged his shoulder and was like “um, hey. HEY. um, WAKE UP or something.” Then I realized how ridiculous I probably looked, in my 4-inch heels, pleated Calvin Klein skirt and Eileen Fischer tank, all squatted down, poking at some drunk asshole, and I did what any self-respecting woman would do.
I walked away and called my boss from my cellphone.
Unfortunately, arriving on the scene, he seemed as ill-at-ease with the situation as I did. I mean, you don’t really want to touch the dude with your hands, kicking him seems cruel, and yelling is just so…. conspicuous. Regardless, after a bit of prodding, and a threat to call the cops, the kid opened his eyes and roused himself from slumber. As we watched him stagger away down the street, my boss turned to me and said, “it’s too early in the day to be that drunk”
to my suprise, I replied, “it’s ALWAYS too early in the day to be that drunk.”
I mean damn, people, I been real drunk in my time, but I’ve never PASSED OUT on a STOOP in BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT. My word. It isn’t even a game day or anything!