I was reading some Amalah archives and noticed how she always has the best titles. I love her titles!! Mine are always so boring. like “what i ate for lunch” or “catnip” or some bullshit like that. Like this one – what is that all about? I think it stems from our recent Robert Redford jag, with the most recent film being The Natural. It features an only slightly craggy and still very hot Redford as an endearing over-the-hill baseball player who overcomes adversity to achieve his dreams. Or maybe I’m lying to you, you never know. Anyway. I’m trying to be better with the titling, but people, in the past 24 hours this thing called “reality” crept up behind me and stabbed me in the back with a fork. So I am not witty. See below:

1) I only have two paid days left at my current job.

2) emphasis on “PAID”.

3) my bank account is empty and my car payment is late.

4) and I’m scared the landlord will realize that he was never paid for the month of January.

5) my credit card bills might be due. or late. or burned.

6) I’m flying to California in six days.

7) I still haven’t booked my return flight.

8) But I did book my hotel!!

9) at 5PM yesterday!!

10) the hotel cost $400!!

11) THAT I DON’T HAVE.

12) Plus the rental car, which I’m not even talking about.

13) I’m getting married and I am going to have to have 50 gazillion bridesmaids.

14) I can’t stop thinking about color patterns. EMERALD!! NAVY!! CRIMSON!! OR MAYBE A THEME WEDDING IN OLD HOLLYWOOD STYLE!! WOULDN’T THAT JUST BE KILLER???

15) all the dresses are both hideous and expensive, bridal and bridesmaid alike.
(to wit:

16) For fear of the Woman Police revoking my license to breed, I will only whisper the following into your ear: I don’t think I really like Crate and Barrel after all.

17) engagement party is on saturday.

18) we’re having at least 30 people.

19) that means money.

20) that means preparations.

21) that means not losing my shit and throwing cake at guests, and also no vomiting of the champagne.

22) I am getting a haircut tonight. I don’t know why I’m worried about this, but I am.

23) I still haven’t resized my ring, and am wearing it on my middle finger like some goddamn fifteen year old.

24) the excuses are starting to seem really whiny, and that just pisses me off.

25) The biggest catalyst for my sudden thrilling ride on the anxiety funhouse machine has nothing to do with any of these things, and it’s much less concrete, and THAT, my friends, is the kind of shit that I really can’t deal with. The other problems, the money, the planning, it’s just a matter of slogging through until the end. But the WAIT-AND-SEE-WE’LL-TELL-YOU-LATER problems, I mean, they can really just be much more of a pain in the ass.

In happier news, I arrived home last night to find a lovely package from my favorite blog twin Boozie. I viciously sliced open the priority packaging to find a HUGE box from Sephora, aka: The Store I Daren’t Enter.

SHE IS SO SWEET!!!

So that’s my tale of woe and wonder. Until next time, with the lame titles.