I’m really excited to get married. It’s something I’ve waited for and dreamed about for my whole life, and I can’t wait to plunge headfirst into planning the event. I have ideas about EVERYTHING, from the place settings to the flowers to the father-daughter-dance.

But let’s be honest, here. Despite all the sappy Hallmark cards and the bells and doves and shit, there is one distinct step I’ve waited for with breathless anticipation. It starts with an “R”, ends with a “Y”, and is the title of this post. The thought of gleefully skipping through a store with a scanner and a dream, adding all my heart’s desires to the mythical list… it’s almost too much excitement to bear.

Yesterday, Katsumi and I went out to brunch, drove to Harvard Square, and, after a couple cocktails, hit up the big CB. That’s right. CRATE. AND. BARREL. The store is like crack for me – I could wander for hours amongst their racks of handblown glass, lovingly fondling the array of champagne flutes and decanters. Their kitchenware is a miracle of useless beauty; rubber basting brushes, art deco egg timers, five different kinds of cheese graters, a nonstick steel garlic press!! We moved on to find a stunning array of furniture, soap, mirrors and tables, then to another section where we were wooed by kitschy juice glasses and lawn furniture. We spent ages debating china patterns and the benefits of simple dishes over oven-glazed stoneware, ending at a mildly confused stalemate that hovered somewhere in the realm of bone china. I learned that my husband-to-be loathes brushed steel utensils, and considered breaking off the engagement entirely. Thankfully, we made a compromise and settled on a modern, polished set.

So what was the result of all this toil? What was the fruit of our adventures with the scanner?

See for yourself.

Is that not the most pathetic fucking thing you’ve ever seen. A COOKIE DOUGH SCOOP?? We spent an HOUR in Crate and Barrel and the best we could do was a cookie dough scoop? I’m not worthy of the scanner. I’ll do better next time.