don’t you hate it when you ask someone a perfectly reasonable question and they respoind with a somewhat related but utterly unhelpful answer?

Example:
Q – “do you have any black tea?”
A – “oh, the olives are at the back of the fridge”

Let’s try another:
Q – “where is the nearest gas station?”
A – “93 south is really backed up right now”

And a third, to round things out:
Q – “what’s the name of that girl who was here yesterday?”
A – “I know her sister’s bank account password”

It’s important to note that these are not actual conversations I’ve had, but modest representations of real, important questions that might pertain to my job and future, and sometimes it just seems like I’m speaking a different language altogether.

Does anyone know any good bartenders who’ll work a party on the cheap? (And if you answer with an unrelated statement, I will surge through the internets and rip off your arms.)