All those hours I wasted reading blogs mindlessly while work piled up to my ears and over my head? All those afternoons I spent numbly stumbling from one link to the next? All those vital precious life-moments sacrificed to the gods of webjournaling? THEY WERE ALL WORTHWHILE.

behold.

and thank you to mimi smartypants for giving my life meaning, and for adding structure to this; the post that has been stewing in my mind since I first drove past the McDonald’s billboard on Western Ave several weeks ago. A picture (not taken on western ave) to illustrate my point:

Direct your attention to the lower of the two billboards.

(courtesy of jeff williams, who I don’t know in real life but, after finding that picture, think I would like to know in real life.)

Let’s review a few things I don’t like:

• McDonalds
• bad grammar
• bad advertising

so you can see why this billboard is making me (increasingly) insane on many levels.

“kinda” is a word appropriate for use in emails and perhaps blogging, but not appropriate for use on a billboard that will be seen by thousands of children. “Shoppin’” is wildly in appropriate in much the same way, yet somehow worse. “kinda” could be considered an amalgamation of “kind of”, shortened by two keystrokes and thereby giving the typer a valuable moment with which she can stuff her face with coffee, vodka, or french fries. “shoppin’”, however, saves no time in the typing and cannot even be considered a conjunction. Hey kids, eat McDonalds and learn bad grammar!! a win-win situation!!

Moving on to the philosophy behind the advertisement: what a sad life it must be when a trip to McDonalds constitutes a shopping – sorry – “Shoppin’” spree. Furthermore, how does that lady stay so thin whilst gobbling bags upon bags of McDonalds? You’ll notice that she has not chosen food from the new “healthy menu”, but rather has stuck with the old staples: burger, fries, and ice cream sundae. Not even an apple pie to round out the meal with some fruit. BAD ADVERTISING which teaches children BAD GRAMMAR and makes them want to eat BAD FOOD.

So as these thoughts were churning into a frothy mental melange, I happened upon the school lunch website courtesy of miss smartypants and found this.

so now it’s “fryz”. maybe the new kinda shoppin’ spree involves chicken fryz as well. perhaps mcdonald’s should consider adding chicken fryz to their menu.

“chicken fryz: my kinda fryz”

However, nothing, not even the chicken fryz, can compare to the splendor that is the taco patty. All the pundits who yammer that school lunches don’t meet the nutritional and dietary needs of a growing child can clearly SHOVE IT, since between the chicken fryz and the taco patty i think the youth of america is pretty much set up sweet.

Excuse me while I go throw up.