AC & abstinence

So the drunken morning referred to in the last post gave way to a brutal hangover right around noon and I spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch willing my stomach to absorb water. Yes, it was a pleasant Friday. The aftermath was such that on Saturday night, when six of us went out for dinner and dancing, I volunteered (!!!) to be the DD. Because I STILL COULD NOT DRINK. I mean, woah.

In other news, it’s hot. Reeeeal hot. And my parents have never had AC. (no microwave either, and in 1994, we were the only house on the planet to still have rotary phones.) This Sunday, I came home to find my younger sister sunburned and fed-up. The house was like 100 degrees, fans blasting, and she was like “I can’t DEAL WITH THIS!!” So I suggested that we go out with a fistful of cash and take matters into our own hands.

Now, my sister is not one to spend money. Not to say that she is cheap – quite the contrary – she just likes to think about what she buys before she buys it. So when she walked into Wal-Mart and dropped 80 bucks on an air conditioner, it was a big deal. We (damoolz megana, and I) get the thing out of the store (all 40 pounds of it), into the trunk, out of the trunk, up the stairs into her bedroom with no small amount of shrieks and groans, rip open the box and, confronted with strange pieces of foam and three kinds of screws, decide that we ought to enlist our friend Kevin as a consultant. because, you know, he HAS air conditioners at his house, so he must know more than we do.

Kevin arrives and we set to work, fetching screwdrivers, tossing the directions booklet this way and that, swearing and sweating and yelling, when we realize, hey, wow, these screws totally don’t fit into the holes. Fancy that. Hm.

So after dinner it was back to Wal-Mart, AC in tow, where I, fuming, drop the unit on the counter and shout, “WE ARE RETURNING THIS THING BECAUSE FRANKLY IT JUST SUCKS.” (I am always ready for a battle when it comes to goods and services.) And the customer service girl is just like “yeah, i know. All of them have come back.” Pointing to three lonely air conditioners on an endcap, she continued, “the only ones that haven’t come back are those. Because they haven’t sold yet. This happened last year, too.”

Awesome. thanks, Wal-Mart, for investing so heavily in quality products that, like, work and stuff. And for crushing my sister’s dreams.

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