merry fucking breakdown

is it just me, or does Christmas bring way too much pressure? i realized over the weekend that there were just 2 weeks to Christmas. i also realized that although i had heretofore been under the illusion that my shopping was done, when i checked my list twice i realized that i still had about 100 dollars of gifts to buy for people that you know what, i really didn’t want to buy gifts for. even worse, there were a couple (hundred dollars worth) of people on that list that i very much wanted to buy gifts for, but had no idea what to purchase. many will recognize this feeling as “Christmas anxiety attack” brought on by “compulsive materialism”

i am not the biggest fan of STUFF for its own sake, but my suburban upbringing has taught me that people know how much you love them by what you buy for them – and this goes double for people you don’t love, (or even really like for that matter). If you love someone and you get them a crappy gift, YOU may feel bad about it, but hopefully that person loves you too and will forgive your lack of care and concern as exhibited by the gift. If you don’t really like someone that much, and yet are obligated by social propriety to buy them a gift, it damn well better bea good gift otherwise you may wind up fired, ostracized, or maybe never ever getting that book back that you loaned out six months ago.

so it was in this mindframe that i found myself in harvard square, lurching from store to store in a blind panic, looking for that perfect gift for my boss’ friend’s daughter who just had a baby, (yes, i was shopping for my boss as well), and our documentary subjects, and my sister, my boss’ son and all my coworkers, thinking that maybe i should have come armed with a fifth of bourbon or some valium. or both.

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