Free Advice: if you don’t know, probably just don’t ask.

It’s no secret that I’ve gained some weight since B! moved out here. All told, there’s around a 35 pounds from lowest to highest. And, you know, I’m not in love with it, but it’s not like it’s wrecking all my time. I just ate a fro-yo cone with sprinkles. So, there.

But it’s gotten a little awkward lately. More specifically, people have started asking me if I’m pregnant. And I’m not talking like “that random stranger this one time”, I’m talking PEOPLE. Like, best friend people. Like, coworker people. People people. More than a handful. And it’s never just like, oh are you pregnant? It’s always like:

“Boy or girl?”

“When’s the due date?”

“I hope she has your hair!”

For any readers who may themselves have asked the burning question in question: it’s not the asking that bothers me. I’m well aware that I’m no longer the lithe sprite of yesteryear, but I’m also no longer smashing dishes or throwing glasses of wine at things. My eating disorder is in remission. I have a full set of dinner dishes. Weight gain is a small price to pay for sanity, I think, although it’s not always appropriate to say in the moment.

What bothers me is the whole awkwardness of the situation. Like, they say it, and then I have to say, you know, “no”, and then they get all flustered and I just laugh and smile because really – REALLY? It’s funny. Come on, you know it is.

That said, I’m still thinking of getting a couple T-shirts made that say “NOT PREGNANT, JUST FAT”. It’s summertime now. Anything goes.

5 responses to “Free Advice: if you don’t know, probably just don’t ask.”

  1. Just got my first “Are you pregnant?” last week. Super.Fucking.Awkward. But someone jumping straight to genetic traits might be asking for a face punch. Who does that?


  2. Really?!? I’ve been told you NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see, like, and arm coming out of her or something.
    So sorry! Especially from people you know! 😦


  3. You know, I hate this but unless I am 100% sure it is a baby and not just overweight, I won’t offer my seat on the T. I did and got screamed at the other day. Try to be good……


  4. My friend wrote a song about it, after someone asked her if she was pregnant. Carly Jibson (Hairspray) sang it at a cabaret night and brought down the house:

    Also, I’ll bet that it’s not that you look pregnant, but people are used to seeing you thinner and most probably didn’t realize that you were thin because you were struggling with a disorder. They thought you were one of those “naturally thin” people and since you’ve gained weight, the only explanation that they can think of is pregnancy. And since so many people think being pregnant is the best thing that could happen to a woman, they don’t see that it’s intrusive to ask. Sorry that society is rude.


  5. Shannon Deese Avatar

    You are too funny! Sorry but that was a laugh I needed. I think you definitely have to get the shirts made! You made my day!


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