How often can you leaf through one Sunday’s New York Times before actually claiming to have read any of it? I pay a lot of money every week for this shit, and I seriously don’t know the last time I read an article start to finish.

I get the gist, though. I’m very good at pinpointing the thrust of a column. I’m also good at not completing the crossword puzzle. It’s life’s little triumphs that keep us upbeat, however backwards they might seem.