biological malfunction

So this is how life goes, lately:

Sometime around 12am, I kiss katsumi goodnight, then stay up until around 3, which is when I make my first (usually unsuccessful) stab at slumber, and I wind up passing out just before dawn. Since my schedule is so irregular, and also since I have zero self-discipline, I generally sleep until late morning or early afternoon, depending on when i feel like getting out of bed. If I wake up on the earlier side, I might go for a run (!!!), clean the apartment, play guitar, or go shopping, and if I wake up on the later side, I berate my own laziness and occasionally forgo showering in favor of getting to work before 3pm.

I work for about 5 hours a day, usually, give or take, with a flexible schedule. I feel OK about this only because when we’re shooting I work 12 hours a day, 10 days straight. And if you compare my 5 hours of solid effort with the productivity of your average 9-5’er, I think I come out on top.

Getting to DSP around 1 or 2 usually puts me home again at 7 or 8, grocery shopping included on my homeward commute, then I make dinner for Katsu, we watch DVDs or play Rock Band, I smoke cigarettes, and around midnight the cycle begins again.

Not bad, right? I mean, I stay up late, wake at my leisure, work when I want to, play when I can: All good things.

So tell me, then, why is getting out of bed still a herculean effort? When my job was boring, I blamed my malaise on being understimulated, when my job was crazy, I blamed the blues on overextension. Now, swimming somewhere in the middle, I might feel worse than ever, about everything. And I’m starting to think that this:

might be more than just an amusing play on motivational posters.

three addenda:

1) For those who don’t feel like squinting, the white text reads “the only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.”

2) Despair, Inc should be everyone’s source for workplace related gifts from now until forever.

3) I’ll hit “publish” at about 8am. I’ve slept for maybe an hour since yesterday. So chalk any grammatical errors or maudlin displays up to sheer exhaustion. This is where the “flex schedule” becomes my enabler and my savior.

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