You know what’s awesome about working part-time? NOT WORKING FULL-TIME, of course!!!

You know what’s not awesome about part time?

Oh, let me begin.

What’s not awesome about part time is how you feel like you should really be getting a lot of shit done. Personal shit. Like buying a file cabinet, getting an oil change, going to IKEA on a Tuesday, or finally cleaning up your closet. You start to feel like you’ve really always needed to re-organize your fledgling library of paperbacks, and that your home mail situation is completely out of control, and don’t even get me started on the floors – no matter how many times you wash them, they always look like they’re covered with a thin veneer of week-old bacon grease – and HOLY SHIT, LAUNDRY? HI. Fucking stop. Laundry, if I had your multiplying properties, I WOULD BE ABLE TO REORGANIZE MY BOOKS WHILE SHOPPING FOR FILE CABINETS AT IKEA. DAMN YOU.

But the *really* not awesome thing about part time is that when you get home from working 4 or 5 hours at your job (the job which, incidentally, is begging for more time than you have in a 24-hour day) all you can do is obsess about the list of chores which you SHOULD BE GETTING DONE. You know, since YOU’RE ONLY WORKING PART TIME. When that happens, you find yourself wide awake at 5am, having been up since 2, staring at the sun rising through your faux-wood blinds and thinking how YOU WON’T BE WORKING PART TIME FOREVER, BITCH, SO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING.

As a consequence of these late-night runs around Obsessive-Compulsive Square, you wind up sleeping till noon and going into work shortly thereafter, since there really is a great deal to be done and it needs to be done sooner rather than later. And of course, since you’re still basically waking up, going to work, then coming home and cooking dinner, there’s not much time leftover to scratch the myriad personal chores off your list. Because really, who scours the floors and reorganizes their paperback library at 4 in the morning?

I only have like five sleeping pills left. This can’t be good.