So I got in an accident on Saturday. We were driving down 93 south, in the rain. Rain, in fact, that is very much like the rain today, except worse and driven horizontal by 50 mph winds. The weather was so bad, actually, that at a point I did question why we were out at all.

Oh yes. Halloween party. And I would not admit – COULD NOT ADMIT – that I am old and that the idea of driving an hour south to put on a dumb wig drink beer paled in comparison to the luxury of staying home and guzzling bottle after bottle of Malbec while watching the Halloween marathon on Spike TV. In my silk pajamas.

So on we drove.

Until some guy in the middle lane decided it was his turn to randomly cut into our lane and head for exit 8. Our car, of couse, lay in his path, but he continued undeterred and hit us square in the driver’s-side wheel well. It was way less than awesome. We pulled off the highway and stopped on the exit ramp, and while Katsumi got out of the car to talk to the other driver I proceeded to forget everything one is supposed to do in the event of a car accident. I had my license in one hand, my debit card in the other, my ass was bookmarking a page in the Jean M invitations catalog (I NEEDED THAT PAGE FOR LATER), and I think I started to apply mascara. You know, just in case. Halfway through, I got out of the car to inspect the damage.

Luckily, the wheel itself hadn’t taken a beating, but where the fender is supposed to go OUT to give the tire space to turn, the fender now pointed IN, so that a good pothole would send the tire careening into the body of the car. Awesome. Katsumi came back to the car and I started brandishing my L’oreal and shrieking that we should call the police.

So this isn’t really a good story, because I don’t know what happened after that, aside from trying and failing to find my cell phone so I could call my dad and ask him what the fuck I was supposed to get from this guy, then promptly kicking myself for being the kind of woman who has to call her dad when some asshole drives her off the highway. And today I got woken up at 7:30am by the insurance adjuster guy, who informed me that the fender will cost $630 to fix, $500 of which is my deductible.

Lesson learned: when you have the choice of staying home and drinking wine in silk pajamas or hauling down the southeast expressway to drink beer an hour away, you best just park yourself on that futon and pop the motherfucking cork.