I promise I do. But good things come to me at night, while I’m almost asleep, and even those are of the maudlin, “O Life” variety. I hate me like this. I much prefer me when she’s bitching at everything, full of piss and vinegar… this other me that waxes poetic about a leaf in the river and time like sand or whatever, she can go eat a dick. Soggy bitch.

Did anyone else watch ER in high school? I did – I thought ER was the best show ever. I don’t know if I’d be exaggerating if I said that for awhile it was the only thing keeping me from absolute despair – the thought that someday I’d grow up and be on my own, free to do what I wanted and have affairs with hot doctors like Noah Wylie or that Armenian guy whatshisname that came along later. The series jumped the shark when they all went to Africa, as far as I’m concerned, but at 16 years old, ER gave me hope that someday life would be awesome.

In high school I often had trouble distinguishing “fiction” from “fact”. I read The Bell Jar at 14, and blame Sylvia Plath for all my ensuing difficulties.

Katsumi and I spent this week watching Grey’s Anatomy (i know, i know, way to be behind the times) and i got that feeling again… exept mixed with that odd sensation that comes from watching 30somethings playing 20somethings who are prone to acting like teenagers. Not really sure what this has to do with anything, but I like watching the show and am amazed at how fast they all ditched their hangovers and got back to work in episode #5. That skinny skinny Ellen Pompeo swilled a whole bottle of tequila and was right as rain for her meeting with the doctor at 7:30 the next morning… I’d be stinking like liquor and puking into a bag.

So good for her, I guess.