So I didn’t buy Katsumi a birthday present. Instead, I booked our honeymoon. We leave for Mexico on the 19th, return on the 27th, and in the interim will enjoy a private terrace, jacuzzi, sandy beaches and an ocean view. Sounds great, huh?

Great, unless you’re a total FREAK.

Immediately after hitting “confirm”, I had a panic attack. Had I booked too much time? Not enough? Should I have sprung for the “master suite” (even though there’s evidently no difference between the “junior” and “master” suites)? Did I pick the right hotel? Initially I was all about no unnecessary spending – as it is, we’ll be throwing this whole thing on the credit card – but it was only AFTER I booked the trip that I started thinking like Katsumi. He was angling for some 10-day extravaganza bolstered by the rationale that this was our once-in-a-lifetime shot at paradise, and during my post-“confirm” meltdown I finally saw his rationale. What’s a few thousand dollars, when compared with the memory of a perfect honeymoon? What’s a few months of interest payments compared to sweet romance?? At his birthday dinner last night, I handed over his card and our travel plans like a wilting flower, thoroughly undone by my second-guessing

Browsing the wedding forums today, I decided to torture myself by reading “honeymoon” posts. These are girls going to Bora Bora and Tahiti, Fiji and New Zealand, with no trips less than 9 nights. At first I felt really jealous. I want to go for 2 weeks in the south pacific and stay on an island, or on a month-long cruise or some crap. Everyone else is!! (Except people with screennames like DisneyGirl511 and Mikesbabygal69 – they’re going to miami or crap like that. Which, now that I think about it, doesn’t sound that bad.) Then, after wiping the tears away, I realized you know what, fuck this. Tahiti is like, 26 hours away, super-expensive, super-remote, and super-overblown. Literally three out of five brides are going to Tahiti for their honeymoon, and they’ll all be jet-lagged and broke afterwards. I’m glad to be taking a manageable vacation in Mexico, because I will RETURN from my honeymoon, still have 5 days to lay around on my ass at home before I have to go back to work, and I will NOT have to live on dirt and ziti to pay off my airfare.

so there, Tahiti. I don’t need any of your bullshit.