THINGS I FIND RIDICULOUS
– The amount of time I’m spending on the Knot lately
– The price of photographers
– The depth and breadth of wedding cake choices
– this wedding dress
– Our check at Pigalle two nights ago (30.06 each for dinner, plus several cocktails at the bar, a $14 glass of white wine, then 12-year-old scotch to end the meal). Go ahead, try and guesstimate. I guarantee you’ll come up short.

THINGS I FIND ANNOYING
– how I have to actually GET OUT of my shower to make the water warmer or cooler
– we still haven’t caught a sigle fucking mouse
– the I-90 connector is still shooting my morning commute in the testicles
– one-word texts. better yet, one-letter texts. Do I really need to pay ten cents for “k”? or, most recently, “burdock!!”?

SIGNS I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE WRITTEN IN NEON ON MY CAR
– “it’s called a blinker.”
– “I’d rather chew out my ovaries than let you cut in front of me” (would most nominally be used at the end of the Storrow Drive on-ramp, where %40 of the cars try and barge in as some kind of twisted shortcut)
– “if you’re too old to walk , you’re too old to drive”
– also just a big blazing middle finger. that would be awesome.