I’m not dead yet!!

five points extra if you got the arcane and not very brilliant Monty Python reference. But as I said, I’m not dead yet, I’ve just been living in wedding forums for the past week.

no, seriously.

I come into work, log in, and pretty much stay there until i leave at 6pm. I get home, cook dinner, and while Katsumi’s taking his nightly hour in the bathroom, I sneak back online and see what drama is going on. I have officially become one of **THOSE GIRLS** and the frightening thing is, I don’t even mind. I’m being brainwashed by the Knot.

But I am also learning a lot!! Like, the difference between fondant and buttercream! And how motherfucking expensive wedding photo albums can be! And that it’s absolutely goddamn impossible to get any kind of reasonable price quote on a florist! AND THAT ROSIE’S BAKERY DOESN’T DELIVER TO RHODE ISLAND!! (I mean, really, how lazy are they?)

With all this new knowledge, though, comes great pain. Apparently it’s completely unacceptable to have more than an hour between your ceremony and your reception (we currently have 1.5) and also very uncool to have a cash bar (we’ll have open with a limit) and also that if you have a band you also have a DJ. And because I work in a recording studio, I should really have a band. And just when I think “hey, it’s cool man. You’ve got your dress. You know what you want for favors. You’re actively thinking about invite designs and bridesmaid jewelry and all that crap. YOU, sweet thing, are GOLDEN.” Just when I start to think that? I’ll have a conversation that goes something like this:

Asshole with three seconds left to live: oh, you’re getting married! Congratulations – when’s the wedding?
e: Next March
AWTSL2L: hey, you don’t have much time then, better get cracking!!

That ticktickticking sound you hear? THAT IS MY BRAIN ABOUT TO EXPLODE. For fucks sake, somebody bring me some downers.

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