Today our accounts manager-cum-janitor rented a carpet shampooing machine and went to town on the whole office. He did my end last, and I felt like kind of an asshole, because I eat cereal at my desk and leave crumbs all over the floor. I apologized for the mess while dragging my chair, three purses, two pairs of shoes, and space heater out of the office, and he was like “Yeah, it’s ok. You’re a slob.”

It kind of stopped me, because I like to think of myself as “cluttered but clean”. The 16 ounces of shattered cornflakes under my desk stared back as stark proof of the contrary.

“Yeah,” I said, defeated, “I guess I am.”

After he finished with the carpet-washer, he decided to order Friday office pizza for everyone from the Dominoes that opened downstairs. I took a thoughtful swig from my water bottle and remarked that this might be the first time I’d had Dominoes when I wasn’t drunk.

And the accounts manager looked RIGHT AT ME and was like “So you’re a lush. You’re a lush and a slob.”

And seriously, that just cracked me up. I’ve been working here for four months. It took them THIS LONG to figure it out?