I just got back from my little sister’s college graduation, which was such a physically and emotionally exhausting experience that i actually CALLED IN SICK TO WORK to catch up on sleep. I don’t ever call in sick to work unless I’m on the brink of death, so that should tell you a lot right there.
But it was a great trip – I got to visit with the lovely Colleen in Baltimore, get hammered with my sister’s friends in DC, eat free food courtesy of my loving parents, and cry my eyes out in the airport after Megan walked away to her new life as a college graduate. Pictures and stories forthcoming.
En lieu of a stories, however, I have issues for everyone to ponder.
Nursing beer hangovers on Wednesday morning (well, I was hungover, I can’t speak for her), Colleen and I entered into a conversation about odd eating habits. She was working on a blueberry muffin and I remembered that, when I was a borderline anorexic high schooler, instead of eating the whole muffin like a normal person I would meticulously root out the fruit and dye pieces, leaving the muffiny bits to the side. She then recalled that before they came up with “There’s No Wrong Way to Eat a Reese’s” campaign, she was already eating the hard outer edges off her peanut butter cups before diving into the peanut buttery center. Then there were pop tarts. She would eat the crusts on Pop Tarts before the middle because the crusts were her least favorite parts.
And isn’t that a truism? Who out there likes Pop Tart crusts? And why do they even have them? I put forth that crusts are the baby toes of Pop Tarts – vestigal organs that serve no purpose at all. My cinnamon frosted Tarts saw their crusts meticulously removed before I daubed the body with a touch of margarine (just enough to melt little patches of the frosting!) and ate it in tiny bites. My mother, on the other hand, liked the blueberry unfrosted variety, and would slather her Pop Tart in butter before cutting it in half like a sandwigch and diving in. To this day, I associate unfrosted Pop Tarts with the elder generation.
So there we have it. Do you have weird eating habits, do you like Pop Tart crusts, and what is your favorite flavor? Where do you come down on the frosting / no frosting line?
Fuck you, man, it’s Monday and I’m fucking tired. Let’s see you do better.
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