… because our weather today was something like this:

Right Now for Boston, MA (02215) Save this Location
Fair 62°F Feels Like 62°F Updated Mar 30 02:25 p.m. ET

I decided to take advantage of the good fortune and explore my new neighborhood. I was starting to feel that lunchtime need for something nice, and since the questionable salmon soup had been effectively ruled out, I thought it a prime time to pound the pavement for a fine luncheon venue. Not knowing which way to go, I headed across the street to Fenway Park. It didn’t look like that, though, since the season hasn’t started and they’re doing a bunch of construction. Anyway, walking around, feeling very urban and a la mode, I passed Boston Beer Works, which looked tempting. After some heated internal dialogue, however, I reasoned that it might be best to wait a month or so before beginning a regimen of drinking on the job. Continuing my journey, I found many culinary treasures, including an overpriced sub shop that sells both sandwiches and condoms, a cute Italian cafe with an admirable selection of wine and domestic beer, and, inexplicably, and art supply store. I happen to know that also in the vicinity of our building there is a McDonald’s, a Burger King, a Thai Place, a Taqueria, and a takeout chinese place nestled snugly on the first floor of a howard johnson’s. I was looking for something healthy, something cheap, something without MSG. I was about to head back and grab a steamed veggies with peanut sauce when suddenly, I felt a chill in the air. The sky grew dark and a tumbleweed blew across the asphalt.

Up ahead, off in the distance, was a beacon of deadliness equal in scope to the pull of a bacon egg and cheese biscuit after a long night of drinking. (click that link, you’ll want one too)

COLDSTONE.

Although I actually threw up after my first experience with Coldstone Creamery’s particular brand of frozen hand-mixed crack rock, it lit a fire in my belly and for days afterwards I was craving ICE CREAM. Chocolate, mint, coffee with heath bar, I can’t get enough. I dream about it. Even when full and sated I can’t stop thinking about a sugar cone with sprinkles. And now this.

now, this.

So, new employers, if I go out for lunch and don’t come back for awhile, don’t bother checking the cocktail lounge at HoJo’s. More than likely you’ll find me twitching on the floor of Coldstone, licking Cookies n’ Cream from my bloated fingers.

In the end, I was wooed by a Subway that was having some retarded “buy a soda and chips, get your sub free” deal, but after I polished off my 6- inch “Bacon, Meat and Tomato”, you know what I was thinking of.

(side note, when I did my image search for McDonald’s, I came upon this gross and disturbing image.)

(I told you it was gross and disturbing, don’t blame me for your own sick curiosity.)