the reason for my absence

work is busy. there you have it. But the fun part about being really busy is that it really brings out my inner bitch, which is even uglier and nastier than the surface bitch I use every day to deal with things like traffic and telemarketers. Yesterday I had an appointment for my second fitting for the bridemaid’s dress I’ll be wearing in October, and when I called up the bridal salon to confirm my appointment the lady on the other end of the line was like, “i’m sorry, we don’t have an appointment for you today”. and i was like, “I was standing here last week and you wrote down that I have an appointment. The bride is coming in too, and so is the other bridesmaid”.

(jumping into a recreation here)

lady: The seamstress that did you dress doesn’t do brides – only bridesmaids. What is the bride’s name?

e: (bristling) shanna.

lady: well, shannon will have to make another appointment.

e: First of all, her name is shanna, and secondly, this is very inconvenient. I live in Newton, and it’s a hassle for me to get all the way down there, and I booked this appointment for all of us, last week, WITH YOU, I BELIEVE, to make sure that the whole party could get fitted at once.

lady: I’m afraid that is not possible.

e: Maam, it certainly is possible. YOU TOOK THE APPOINTMENT. JUST LAST WEEK.

lady: well, shannon can call back –


lady: oh my.

(end recreation)

later that night, when we were all there being fitted, the lady skittered out with a monstrous strapless, backless bra for shanna to try on with her dress.

“oh, shannon, you really should try this one”

whereupon I bludgeoned her legs with a pair of dye-able heels.

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