I’ve got these two weird nails. Those who know me in real life know all about the nails, because I am always showing them to people at inappropriate times, like over a dinner of escargot or while drinking to the point of nausea. They are so pitted and bizarre that I couldn’t even find a comprable picture using Google image search. They are the weirdest things I have ever seen, and they are attached to my body.

I was worried about the weird nails, so about a year ago I went to my doctor (the hot asian doctor) who was horrified and shipped me off to the dermatologist. The dermatologist was very nice, but equally grossed out, and also had no idea what could be causing the twin monstrosities of the weird nails. She gave me some steroid cream for my eczema and sent me on my way, telling me that if any other nails started going wonky, I should contact her immediately.

Last Sunday, the pinky nail on my right hand turned to the dark side, and I made an appointment. With my PCP. Because the derm was booking out into November. She comes in, all skinny and prim, takes one look at the renegade finger and is like:

“oh. that looks like it could be a FUNGAL INFECTION. You should get some topical cream. By the way, you’re overdue for your pap smear. Way overdue. I could do it for you, if you want. I do it as part of the physical”

Hot asian doctor, you are a very nice person. But I would rather be flogged with my own limbs than have you do my pap smear. fate worse than death.

to distract you from that image, here’s a picture of the pool at the beverly hilton

happy weekend, everybody!!