I learned yeterday that my landlord will be moving into the apartment below us. This eventuality, when first I learned of it, didn’t trouble me much past the mundane downside that my wild crack parties will have to be put on hiatus.

But the real truth hit me at about 4AM last night, and kept hitting me until approximately 5:30.

My lease mandates that the apartment only be inhabited by one person.

That one person, per my lease, is me.

Unfortunately, for the past 2 years, there have been two people living there. Me and Katsumi.

So now what? Do I tell the landlord before he moves in downstairs? If I do, will he evict us, or worse, RAISE OUR RENT??? If I don’t, will he notice the 6’3″ male who enters and exits the upstairs apartment every day at 9am and 7pm? Will the two cars give us away? And then will he evict us anyway?

Until now, the landlord has been living in Florida. Goddamit, WHY DOESNT HE JUST STAY THERE.