As I may or may not have mentioned, I actually work in somebody’s house. This house is large and very unique in its design and decor, but is also very old and thus has many mysterious cracks/holes/termite damage. I really like working in a house as opposed to an office or a cubicle, but the “house scene” definitely has its downsides. Like when appliances break I have to be the one to call Whirlpool and let in their middle-aged dishwasher repair men. When Terminix came to inject the foundation with hundreds of pounds of pesticide, I was the one stuck talking to the Russian Pest Tech. When the main drain to the house clogged, it was me who called the city and spent hours turning on and off the faucets while an elderly German worked about 6 feet of pipe snake through the tree roots in the front yard. And now, it is spring, which brings me to the thrust of the post.

We have bees.

Some of the hornet variety, some of the bumble variety, but i mean FUCKING BEES MAN. I don’t like bees, and I think they are coming in through the ill-fitted windows, some of which have screens and some of which have storm windows, most of which don’t even open anymore because it seems someone painted them shut a long time ago. So this morning I am sitting here waiting for our email to load, and I hear this BUZZING. And woudln’t you know it, there is a FREAKING HUGE bee trapped between the window and the screen. He’s all buzzing around, bapping against the glass, and I was like “god I hope this thing dies soon because that noise is creeping me out”. This goes on for a few minutes while I debated something fun to write about. then all of a sudden THE BEE IS OUT OF THE WINDOW AND HURLING ITSELF AGAINST THE WALL. A few nights ago, I had some drinks with a friend who explained to me her “Catch and Release” policy on any and all manner of insect, and as this particular bee was approximately the size of a small child, I thought that catch and release was the appropriate thing to do. Fetching a glass and plate from the kitchen, I walked back into my office, thinking things like “just don’t scream” and “this is not the stinging kind”, generally psyching myself up for the confrontation. So i get up to the bee and try to coax him into the glass. He is having none of it, and hurls himself back toward the window. I was on the brink of panic, following the bee with the glass, doing lamaze, when the bee apparently crawled through an invisible hole in the molding and DISAPPEARED.

SO now all day I will be having bee-flashbacks. Thanks, mother nature. Good job.