When I was in college, I fell in love with CVS. Just being on the same block as a CVS was enough to fill me with the power and joy that only comes with the knowledge that you are about to SPEND MONEY on THINGS YOU NEED!! It is, indeed, a heady sensation. Shopping sans guilt. I would spend money on a lot of weird stuff at CVS; cans of beef stew, assorted power strips, a toothbrush holder with a little star on it, and (of course) truckloads of makeup. But it was ALL GOOD, because, you know, CVS, and CVS = NEEDED ITEMS.

But I’m older now. Wiser. I’ve moved on.

… to Staples.

I do most of the office shopping online, since i usually buy a lot of bottled water and those big boxes of copy paper and please, people, I am so not about to haul all that heavy crap around town. At first I thought that the online shopping would quell my urge to spend money on unnessecary necessities. However, it is becoming increasingly clear that this is not so. Online, from Staples, I have bought my company more scotch tape than we could ever need, more black sharpies than we could ever use, and recently I discovered these miracle boxes that are JUST BIG ENOUGH to perfectly fit 3 VHS tapes. Today i bought a “manager” chair and only barely hit “order” before I reflexively bought yet another cordless phone, and I dream of the fine fine day when HP laser print cartridges will finally go on sale.

Staples is the new CVS, my friends. It is time to heed the call.