Category: worst week ever

  • about pee

    As I mentioned, on what was possibly the worst day of my life, except for my grandpa dying and stuff like that, I arrived home to find my bath mat ruined by inappropriate feline elimination. It kind of felt like the universe was slapping me across the face with last summer’s dirty flip-flops, but I […]

  • A comedy of errors: Now with more errors. And, by proxy, less comedy.

    For anyone who DOESN’T already know this, I work in television. I have for the last 6 years, give or take. At my current job, one of the main and most important responsibilities of the PA (me) is making sure that our master tapes for each week’s show reach our broadcaster by Monday morning at […]

  • Happy Holidays. or not.

    **MONDAY, 2PM** I’m in the post office, mailing thank you gifts that have been sitting in my living room since, no joke, last April. I’m trying to seal the shipping boxes, and I go to lift the massive steel tape dispenser, and as it reaches the apex of its journey the tape apparatus disengages and […]

  • I’d call this a spoiler if shit wasn’t already damaged beyond repair

    GREY’S ANATOMY. Holy bleeding christ, where to start. Last winter. Last winter, when my grandparents were dying left and right and i was in the middle of a job transition, I got the Fever Plague from Hell and spent four days at home on the couch. I was too sick to read, too sick to […]

  • he’s a keeper, I’m a mess.

    There’s certain things that you might gloss over in the telling of a tale. For example, at the time of my engagement party, I had a zit on my chin that looked like leprosy. I was embarrassed to tell the guests that the wound was a result of incessant squeezing and poking, combined with a […]