I’ve been in contact with Pusser again. For those of you who remember, he was my partner in crime from the North Dakota days, as well as my boss for many years prior. I’m talking 2002-2006 era. And then, in 2009, he fell off the map. My map, at least. Completely.

This is not about that.

This is about how I feel thinking about that project now, and the project before that now, and me now, and him now. It would have been ten years, I suppose, and it seems like a thousand lifetimes ago. But it seems like yesterday. I still remember interviewing for an internship at his old home studio – I was 22. When I was offered the job of associate producer, I thought – I somehow KNEW – that it was a decision that would change my life. I had no idea how greatly.

He has a new website now, which I am choosing not to link to just yet, and a new Twitter account, which I find deeply bizarre. It’s like staring my bad self in the mirror. It’s like I’ve pried apart some misshapen scab. I think back on who and how I was then, about what I became, and it’s so, so difficult. Not only because of how *I* was, but because of how everything was. Everything was wrong in just the right way. And everything sure did fall apart perfectly.

I used to stay up late in Fargo pulling Tarot cards for myself, and whenever a King showed up, I would always imagine it was Pusser. I haven’t made a practice of  reading cards since then, but I do wonder: what would they say tonight?