Much has been made of my harem pants jumpsuit. I mean, that’s not MY harem pants jumpsuit, it’s just a for example. MY harem pants jumpsuit is black. I’ve gotten quite the response on Facebook to any and all posts mentioning said jumpsuit (really, the ONLY jumpsuit), so I can’t help but feel like people want to know more.

I bought the harem pants jumpsuit with the highest aspirations. I thought I’d be avant garde and wear it with pin-thin stilettos. Maybe add a scarf. I’d look stylish and edgy, it would be awesome.

But oh, Reality.

The harem pants jumpsuit was maybe two sizes too big, to start. Being on the slighter side, I’d anticipated this, but I was entirely unprepared for how quickly the whole thing lost its SHAPE. One day it was a harem pants jumpsuit, the next day it was a swaddle of cloth at my feet. I didn’t let this stop me, though! I abandoned my notion of ever wearing the HJP out of doors, but started sporting it around the house like a second skin. A second, loose, baggy skin.

Last night, as usual, I was wearing the harem pants jumpsuit. It rides mostly as just “pants” these days – the elastic is too far gone to imagine pulling it up to its advertised height – but anyway, while wearing the harem whatever-it-is, I accidentally sliced open my finger with an exacto knife.

“Awww, shit,” I sighed, realizing the colossal annoyance that was about to ensue. “Ah! Shit!” I cried again, as the pain hit.

Wound up spending 3.5 hours in the East Boston ER, during which I read up on Lightroom, mapped out a data structure for my home backup array, and got a very uncomfortable four stitches. Have you ever been injected right in that little nerve that runs between your fingers? No? Anyway, I wouldn’t recommend it.

BUT! The splendor of the whole thing! I wore my harem pants jumpsuit OUT OF THE HOUSE! Granted, it was only to the ER, and the only other people I saw were B!, the doctor, and a very confused nurse, but still! I feel like HJP and I are on a new path together. Maybe I’ll take her to work tomorrow.